Podcast Transcript - Episode 10
SLP Toolkit Podcast, Episode 10, Transcript
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Sarah (00:38):
Well, hey Lisa.
Lisa (00:39):
Hey Sarah.
Sarah (00:40):
How the heck are you today?
Lisa (00:41):
No complaints over here.
Sarah (00:43):
Wonderful.
Lisa (00:44):
Had a busy day today.
Sarah (00:45):
Yeah?
Lisa (00:45):
Got to wear my HR hat and do an evaluation for you.
Sarah (00:48):
Yeah, I didn't actually approve of that process.
Lisa (00:51):
That's funny. Cause you're not in charge of HR. I am. So why would you have even known it was coming? I like the element of surprise when I do evaluations.
Sarah (00:59):
But here's the deal. I'm still confused about how you can do a review on me, but who's doing your review?
Lisa (01:06):
Um, duh, I do my own review. I'm in charge.
Sarah (01:09):
Uh huh, you've got freaking gold stars all over that thing.
Lisa (01:11):
And you know, sometimes I have to remind myself to be humble and it's really hard when I read my evaluations that I've done on myself, how amazing I am, you know, so I have to just try to reign it in and not let all of that positivity go straight to my head and inflate it.
Sarah (01:26):
Okay. Yeah. So for those of you who have no idea what we're talking about, um, I just shared on Instagram, uh, something that just occurred in the office, which was an impromptu HR review Lisa held, um, also wearing a unicorn hat, um, where she went on to tell me my strengths and weaknesses.
Lisa (01:40):
And the reason I wore the unicorn hat is because I think it clearly identifies that I am in HR mode at that moment.
Sarah (01:51):
Okay.
Lisa (01:51):
Which you might not see if you were just looking across the table and looking at me normally.
Sarah (01:56):
I wouldn't have been able to take you as seriously without the hat.
Lisa (01:58):
Right. It was a shower cap, by the way, it wasn't a hat.
Sarah (02:01):
That worked. So, um, clearly we are in a position in our business where we need to hire more people.
Lisa (02:08):
That I can evaluate?
Sarah (02:09):
Yeah, nope. No. We actually probably should get an HR department.
Lisa (02:14):
What?!
Sarah (02:14):
There are a lot of shenanigans that happened here in this office and I don't think we are good, um, have the judgment on how to handle them when it's just you and I.
Lisa (02:25):
HR is noting all of this negativity and it might—
Sarah (02:28):
End up in my file?
Lisa (02:29):
End up in your file for future review-
Sarah (02:31):
Whatever. So one thing we're not going to do probably a whole episode on this, but one question we do get on a pretty regular basis is do Lisa and I actually get along as much as it looks like we do. Do you want to answer that, Lisa?
Lisa (02:49):
Nope. No. I always compare our relationship to sisters that we might have some moments that we annoy each other, but that there is, um, this might be one sided. I'm like there is a deep sighted or seeded foundation of love. And Sarah's like, "There is?" No, I do. I think we spend so much time together. We were kind of naive entering business together thinking that that would be a great idea when we knew nothing really about each other. That's a whole other podcast, but um, it's just kind of worked. We both have a goofy sense of humor. We both have different strengths and weaknesses, so we balance each other out in that aspect, so.
Sarah (03:30):
It's true. And I think what's really interesting is I actually have kind of a split personality, um, because I love people in a lot of ways. I'm very interested in people. I like meeting people. I love talking with other people. Um, but people also annoy me. Like I don't have a real high tolerance for... bullshit, I'll just call it that. I can be very difficult to work with. I am an only girl in the family, so I never had sisters. I never learned that dynamic. Um, and so I've got issues. Like I think working with me, I probably keep you on your toes. You never know what you're going to get with me today.
Lisa (04:11):
Here's the thing, you're very opinionated. Clearly you have lots of opinions about pretty much everything, but it's not like you're wrong a lot of the time.
Sarah (04:18):
That's the problem, it's hard to always be right!
Lisa (04:18):
I hate when people are super opinionated and they have nothing to back up what they're saying. So that's where I think it's, it's not a big deal. And also I don't ever feel like when you have opinions, it doesn't threaten me.
Sarah (04:33):
That's good.
Lisa (04:34):
So that's where I think there could be a really funky dynamic if you were always spouting off at your mouth and I'm like this freaking bee-yotch, that's not the case.
Sarah (04:43):
That is exactly why this dynamic works. And that's what you said about, we've got certain strengths and weaknesses. We, our personalities are also opposite in the fact that I have strong feelings about very certain specific things that don't bother you. So I can say some crazy things and be kind of difficult. You don't even, it doesn't even phase you, you don't flinch. You don't get worked up. You're not defensive about it. But then there's other areas where you're really strong. I mean, like even something about like where we're eating for lunch, where I'm like, "I don't give a shit." So like, it's really interesting. I think what does work each of us up individually, because then the other person's not bothered.
Lisa (05:20):
I used to have an SLPA actually who is working with us now, Megan, who she used to say, the things that bother you and the things that don't fascinate me.
Sarah (05:28):
Yeah. It's literally fascinating. I would love to do a whole podcast episode on what ruffles Lisa's feathers. Cause it's, it's weird.
Lisa (05:36):
So I can be really mellow about a lot of things. And then something random, like there was this time that my daughter in junior high was required to purchase... I think it was a four-inch binder, which we couldn't find anywhere. So I was like, screw it. We're doing two, two inch binders. It's the same theory. You have four inches of space. And her teacher came at us like, no, it has to be one four-inch binder. And I was like, if we're really going to have this argument, I'm pulling out some duct tape and duct taping, these two, like I got real worked up about it because it didn't make sense to me.
Sarah (06:10):
That's where you do... Yeah. If you think that there's something that doesn't make sense, you do.
Lisa (06:14):
That's when I get, and then I'm like, you know, I can take things, but if it doesn't, if I can find no sense in it, then I get really torked cause then you're wasting my time and you're making me like, have feelings about it. And I shouldn't.
Sarah (06:25):
Yeah. You'll bring some things up that are happening. And I'm like, really? That's what you're upset about today, where I'm the opposite though. Cause I actually, for the most part am really like hyper and kind of spazzy and overly happy. And then there's other times where I'm like, scary moody. You can't even look at me and I'm probably gonna lose it.
Lisa (06:43):
But then I think I know that, like I'm your very language. Yeah. So, and it doesn't work and I don't take it personal,
Sarah (06:51):
Which is amazing. Again, thank goodness. I didn't get a sensitive partner. We would have ended this in like month two.
Lisa (06:57):
Even if you're like, Lisa, I hate you and this is all your fault. I'm like, okay, well, you know, we'll think about lunch later, what we want to order. No because it's just, it's everybody has moods. And I think sometimes it's almost like family, even in our relationship in a, in a work sense that sometimes you can be kind of like your worst self and you know, somebody's still gonna love you and care about you. So, um, we all have those moments.
Sarah (07:20):
Well, and that's—we talked about this a lot. I am nicer to strangers than I am to the people I care about. I mean, it's just a part of my life. I would never speak to someone I don't know the way I speak to the people I love. And so congratulations, cause I love ya. So you're going to get the worst of me at times and you're really good about it. And we've had out of, I will say, you know, do we get along as much as we look like we do? We actually do. I think probably in the last three years we've had maybe two.
Lisa (07:50):
Yeah.
Sarah (07:50):
Maybe two or three at most kind of where it got heated and we argued and what my personality is is I it's real weird cause I can be super confrontational in some ways, but then I can be very, um, uh…
Lisa (08:04):
You ice people out when you're mad, you need to process—
Sarah (08:07):
Hard cold, like I will stop. I could stop speaking to someone for an insane amount of time. Okay.
Lisa (08:12):
And I'm the exact opposite in that for most people I could care less if I never speak to them again. But once you're in that kind of circle of trust or whatever you want to call it, when somebody matters to me, if there's any sort of unsettling in that relationship, I need it resolved right now. Like not tomorrow, not four days from now. And so…
Sarah (08:33):
Yeah, which is so good for me because I would literally, if it was my way after one of those fights, we wouldn't be talking today.
Lisa (08:39):
And that's not currently happening.
Sarah (08:41):
Right. And so there's been a couple of heated issues over probably the stupidest crap. Okay. One I will admit to this is actually ridiculous. ASHA Philadelphia.
Lisa (08:51):
Was that the Chinese food?
Sarah (08:52):
Yep. First of all, we're working long days in those boots. We are together nonstop. We sleep in the same room. Like we're together all the time. We went out to go to dinner. I wanted to go to Chinatown and eat Chinese food. You hate Chinese food and refuse to go and I lost it, but then we lost it over the fact that why can't you just go find something at the restaurants you like, you know, it was the stupidest fight ever. It got pretty bad. And then…
Lisa (09:18):
We went to the hamburger place. So then we go to like…
Sarah (09:19):
Some like, what is that called? I had them here, which always—when we go out to eat, I mean, when we go to town, we want those, like ,rare finds that only this location has. When we ended up at like, um, what is the burger—Burger Fi.
Lisa (09:31):
Yes.
Sarah (09:32):
Which is delicious, whatever. So we're sitting there and I'm like, ice cold. Like this is not going to go, well, I can't even make eye contact with Lisa. Like I'm just eating, and ticked. And so, so, so stupid. And you're like, no, we're going to talk about this.
Lisa (09:44):
We did. We talked, talked about it. I think it got a little emotional and then the person next to us moved.
Sarah (09:51):
Yeah. We were having a lovers dispute.
Lisa (09:56):
Just, I really do. I felt like we were, were like married and having an argument and she didn't want to witness that. And it was amazing.
Sarah (10:04):
So the times this happened, you always are like, "Nope, we're going to talk about it." And, and the weird part is, is I think I hesitate because of the awkwardness of the things that need to be said, but it goes so smoothly and it's quick and we move on.
Lisa (10:18):
So beyond the fighting part, I want to focus more even on the fun we have together.
Sarah (10:23):
Yes.
Lisa (10:23):
Because I know it may seem like we never work. We work all the time, but I think something that you and I share in common is that we, we truly enjoy life. And so those small opportunities to be ridiculous, like wearing a unicorn shower cap to give you your evaluation today. Not only can I do that because it gives me joy. I know it's going to make you laugh. And so whether we're doing stuff like that in the office, or I love like when we have these opportunities to travel for work and we say, "What is there to do?" Like how can we make the most of this trip? We'll work all day. We'll work hard, we'll do our thing, but then let's go check out this amazing opportunity we've been given to explore a new city.
Sarah (11:00):
It's exactly right. We have a lot of fun and that's again where we compliment each other because I am a control freak, and I'm a planner. And so before we go on these trips, I've got this like laundry list where fortunately, every time we're going somewhere, there's an SLP there that we can reach out to on social media or something. So they'll oftentimes give us, like, the highlights of the city and restaurants we need to go to. So I'll map them all out. And Lisa just goes. When we were in new Orleans, you remembered that I'm like, we're doing the alligator thing. We're going on the swamp tour. We're doing alligators. It's always just "okay." And if you wanted to do things, we would do them, but you're always just like, let's go, let's do it. You're just easy that way. You're easy to travel with. Um, and so we do have a ton of fun together.
Lisa (11:42):
Well, and I always joke about how I think I went on a trip recently with a friend who doesn't listen to this podcast. So I think I can say this anyway. Okay. It rhymes with [inaudible]. She'll never hear this.
Sarah (11:54):
Maybe this episode, she might.
Lisa (11:57):
But what I think is so funny about it is that I didn't realize how much of a rhythm we have when we travel that I had traveled with somebody else. And I just realized it wasn't as easy and it's not like anything horrible and major happened, but it was just kind of annoying because I am used to it being very, very smooth. And even if we're tired and we're cranky, we still will always like, turn it up to—
Sarah (12:21):
There's been a couple of times, I'm like, "Oh, can we go to bed?" And you're like, are you kidding?
Lisa (12:25):
Drink our Red Bull.
Sarah (12:25):
We are in Austin, we are going to Fifth Street or whatever the name of that street was. Get your Red Bull, let's go, gotta live. And we got to do it. What we do. We always put on our big girl pants and get going.
Lisa (12:35):
That was really the first time we traveled. That was when we went to TISHA. Yeah. And we had decided like, then we were just so wiped out at the end of the day because you know, I still laugh at even that first exhibit we ever did. I think I wore heels and a dress.
Sarah (12:50):
We had blisters. Oh, we were tired.
Lisa (12:52):
So we got back to the hotel and again, it's, we, we both love people. So it's really fun to get to interact and kind of show off. I mean, we love SLP Toolkit, so we love to talk about that with people, but it's exhausting. It's just nonstop and then just physically it's exhausting, but we got back and you really did. You wanted to go to sleep. And I was like, no, drink a Red Bull. We don't ever know if we'll be back in Austin again. And so I think from then on, it's always been like that. If we're tired, you just drink some caffeine. It's all gonna be fine.
Sarah (13:20):
Exactly. Right. No, you'd never want to leave something, you know, wishing, you know, thinking you missed out on it. So anyway, we do, we have a lot of fun, we have a lot of fun in this office. There's clearly shenanigans on the daily and that's what makes this job not feel like a job.
Lisa (13:35):
Yeah.
Sarah (13:36):
And so if, you know, obviously our situation's different, you know, being a business first self in, you know, in and of itself means we have freedom to do these things. I mean, obviously you're not gonna be skating around your classroom, you know?
Lisa (13:47):
Well, and we laugh, you know, it seems like we don't work, but I think I work more hours now than I have ever worked in any job in my life.
Sarah (13:54):
Right.
Lisa (13:55):
But because there is that freedom to say, you know, what, if I wanted to sleep in today, I could. I'll work later. And I work all night.
Sarah (14:01):
And we work on weekends. That's it. And actually that'll go into, kind of segue into our podcast. Um, today we really wanted to talk about balance. And so our confession would be, we don't have any, like, we don't even know what balance means. We can't give advice on balance. We are the worst examples of balance.
Lisa (14:20):
I just recently heard something and this could be like a Real Housewives quote, knowing the places that I get my information, but it said something like you can't, you have to pick two of the three: love, career, and, um, what was the other one? Family, maybe? And you can, or, no: love, career, and health.
Sarah (14:37):
Oh.
Lisa (14:37):
That you can only focus on two at any given time. So I've got career going and the other two maybe love for my family, but my health right now is the thing that I just hit a wall. I need to, definitely.
Sarah (14:51):
It's so true. I was just listening back to the episode we did on our weight gain, um, that first couple of years of, of our start-up and, um, talked about how I have to let something go so I can control the things I can control in the moment. And so we talked, I had, you know, where we had just left the health go. That makes a lot of sense because I think my biggest struggle, I don't have a lot of regrets in my life. And, um, you know, even not saying I haven't done horrible, stupid things, I have laundry lists of things I've done that I wish I maybe did differently, but I don't dwell on it. The only regret I'm afraid I'm going to have in the future is the lack of time and energy. I spent with my family, my attention for my husband and attention for my kids. That is the one thing I know when I look back on my life that I wish I would have done differently.
Lisa (15:36):
Well, and it's hard. So even I do, I work a lot at home. So we work in the office all day. I'm working at night. I know you do the same thing or on the weekends. And so one of my daughters is just a chatterbox. She talks all the time and I've had to kind of train her that she'll want to talk to me. And so now she's good about at least trying to get my attention first, but if I'm in the middle of doing something work-related, I'm like, honey, I need just a minute. So I can finish this up, this thought up, and then I'll give you my full attention. And so she's gotten kind of irritated sometimes. And I'm like, "Honey, do you think I want to be working like this all the time? I'm doing this for us, for our family, for, you know, this is just where my attention needs to go. It doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to give you attention. If you just wait just a couple of minutes and let me just finish out this thought before I switch it to you. Because if I don't, then I'm only going to be half listening to what you're saying."
Sarah (16:28):
I think that's okay though. If you're saying, if you're, you're telling her that you want to give full attention and you can't in that moment.
Lisa (16:35):
I still feel guilty.
Sarah (16:36):
I know, but I'm the queen of ignoring and I live in a constant state of distraction. I distract myself with my thoughts, 24 hours a day. It's just my brain. Doesn't stop.
Lisa (16:48):
Even in the shower.
Sarah (16:49):
I do my best work in the shower. That's where all my creative thoughts come, but that's a great time for me to be distracted. Like, let me just leave it in the shower. But no, when I am home, I'm not fully present, um, all the time. And so that is probably been the number one thing I've been really focused on this last year now that we're only kind of focused on one career now and not two.
Lisa (17:09):
Right.
Sarah (17:09):
That freed up some space in our lives. And so I have really tried to focus on, "I might not be there as much as I should be, but when I'm there, I have to be fully present." And so I've been better about it. I still have a lot of work to do. I am on my phone all the time.
Lisa (17:27):
I really do think though, that this is working mothers period So whether you're in our situation with all the business stuff or, you know, any career, it is very difficult to separate yourself from work at home. And I think it was easier.
Sarah (17:42):
And leave work at work. Yeah.
Lisa (17:43):
I think, you know, for whatever weird reason when I worked in schools full-time, I loved my job and I felt like I gave it my all when I was there, but I did have more of a delineation even like when it comes to emails, I would turn my email notifications off because—
Sarah (17:56):
You were so good about that then.
Lisa (17:57):
Well, I thought, what am I going to do at 7:00 PM at night? If somebody emails me in a tizzy, there's no IEP emergency that I'm not going, first of all, that I can solve from my house. Um, but the next morning I'll be there and I look through all of my emails. So why am I going to stress about it all night, thinking about what I need to do tomorrow when I'm home? But I feel like I've kind of lost that balance.
Sarah (18:18):
I was going to say, yeah, we're really bad about that now.
Lisa (18:21):
And I don't know how to change that other than what part of, well—
Sarah (18:24):
We're texting each other at like 10 o'clock at night with things. So I know we need to you, we not just yet. We need to get to a place where we can make that happen, where we can turn things off.
Lisa (18:33):
Well, and I think part of it right now is just again where we're at in the growth of our company? Primarily it's you and me. We do have some other people that help on a part-time basis, but you know, really everything is on our shoulders. So it's not like you can delegate it to somebody else. And if I put off things, even things like answering emails, sometimes. I think if I don't do that throughout the night, then when I walk in tomorrow, that's all I'm going to be doing for hours and hours and hours. Right. So, um, it's just, we'll, we'll figure it out.
Sarah (19:02):
You know, it is, it's part of it is just the time it takes to run this. It is, you know, a full-time job. It doesn't have any hours. Um, but we also love it.
Lisa (19:11):
Yeah.
Sarah (19:12):
And so it makes it, um…
Lisa (19:14):
It doesn't feel like work as much.
Sarah (19:15):
It doesn't. And so I think if we had just an eight to four job and then it'd be easier to walk away from and leave things at work and it's, this just isn't happening for us. Um, but I think, Oh, a couple of things I wanted to say is when we both decided we were going to do this, we weren't naive on the fact that it was going to take a lot of time. And so I loved that we both had conversations with our family, that this was going to be a commitment from everyone. And they all had to be on board or we weren't going to be able to do it. And so I thought that was really important. I think the other thing is I am well, not in most areas of my life, very good at apologizing, but I am to my kids. I am really okay with saying, "I am so sorry. You are so right. I have looked back over the last couple of weeks and I had not been here in present for you and I am sorry. How can I make it up to you?" You know? Or I use those drives where I take them to school and their activities and, you know, try to focus on what they have to say and, and have conversations with them. Um…
Lisa (20:11):
Parents are people We make mistakes. And so I think it's how you handle those mistakes that is the real learning lesson for your children. It's not just like I did it and I'm—I, you know, I don't want to talk about it. It's if you talk about your thinking, it helps them as they grow up and make their own mistakes of, "Yeah. Maybe, you know, in reflecting on that, that wasn't the best choice and how do I fix it moving forward?"
Sarah (20:32):
Yeah.
Lisa (20:33):
That's life.
Sarah (20:34):
Yeah. So I think that's good. It's interesting because both of her, all of our children are teenagers. They're very, self-sufficient, um, you know, it's not like I have to get them babysitters or, you know, they can take care of themselves. Um, and so in a lot of ways, that's easy. Like, thank goodness, we didn't try to do this with babies. Um, but it's also probably the most critical years of their life because the problem size is bigger than when they were babies.
Lisa (20:57):
It's obviously still issues and their problems that they understand that you do care about them and their problems and that you support them and love them. And I don't think it, you know, it is funny. Sometimes I feel like my kids are more emotionally needy now than any kind of physical or emotional need they had when they were babies, which I remember thinking like, "Oh, when they're teenagers, it's pretty much autopilot". And that isn't the case.
Sarah (21:19):
It's not the case. I think this is harder. I love this more. Uh, I think.
Lisa (21:23):
[inaudible].
Sarah (21:23):
fun. Yeah. Yeah. They're fascinating and interesting. And I love talking to them. Um, but their problems are just bigger. I mean, if you caught our Instagram story at all, about the unicorn HR incident is "Sarah's got a new dent in her car and she didn't do it. The 16 year old boy did." And, um, so that was a costly mistake. And so the mistakes are more expensive. They also have longer consequences with some of the things they're choosing to do now.
Lisa (21:47):
And they also show up in your HR evaluation.
Sarah (21:52):
Right, right.
Lisa (21:52):
That's very costly.
Sarah (21:53):
Right. So we're still trying to figure out how to make this work, raise these little humans. Um, I think where I am concerned is that, you know, when they look back later, they gonna think that Mom wasn't there enough for them and have any kind of hangup over it. I actually think they're probably gonna look back and be like, my mom was schizophrenic because she was either super present and fun or psychotic.
Lisa (22:15):
Do they not say they're proud of you and the stuff that you're doing? My kids tell me that all the time. And even when I'm working, I'll be, you know, sometimes I'll sit in the same room as them. So they'll be watching TV or whatever. And I don't care about the TV show, but I'm like, I can sit in this room and just be here and be present. And so my oldest daughter sometimes will just look over and she's like, "I'm so proud of you, Mom."
Sarah (22:35):
That's awesome.
Lisa (22:35):
Like, so I do think that they, they see the bigger picture, but that being said, they still don't have fully developed brains. They need some, you know, they need reiteration of that in context to help kind of frame what's going on because it does affect them. But, you know, for the most part, they can get annoyed sometimes, but my kids have been really supportive and it has made it a lot easier, and my parents too. my parents helped me a lot with my kids. Um, everybody's just sort of…
Sarah (23:02):
It takes a village and we're fortunate. We're both in villages where we do have really great support systems. And the other thing I was going to say is, um, it's, this is hard for them and they are making a lot of sacrifices, but I think the example we're setting for them is all, is equally as important. Probably. I hope we are raising kids who know they can do anything they want to do. And that hard work pays off.
Lisa (23:23):
I've heard both of my kids talk about when I grow up and I will start a business in this. So even that like that, that I have two daughters. That's so powerful. I think that they are seeing us do this and to be able to set that kind of example, because I don't think I ever at that age said when I grew up in start a business, um, I, I just wasn't thinking like that.
Sarah (23:46):
So I do think there are pros and cons to our current situation and we're making the best of it. Um, do we have advice on how to have balance as moms, working moms? Nope, we don't. And if you've got tips, please share them with us. Okay. So that was kinda like the motherhood balance, the work-motherhood issue. Let's talk about something more exciting. Oh, what did we talk about our love lives and that balance?
Lisa (24:07):
Oh, wah wah.
Sarah (24:07):
I know, but this is a real thing. And we're both in different situations in our life. Um, and your experiences is clearly different from mine. And I think it, it's, it's an interesting to talk about thing to talk about because you are killing it in your life and what you're doing with it. Um, but there's this aspect that I know that you probably would like to pursue, but you haven't had the time to commit to. And do you want to talk about dating?
Lisa (24:37):
I don't mind. I just think it's an interesting place I'm at, in my life. I will be 45 in two months.
Sarah (24:43):
What?
Lisa (24:43):
I know. I only look 25. It's so crazy.
Sarah (24:46):
45 is the new, like 30.
Lisa (24:49):
Yeah. Well if you're, J-Lo. Like, I'm just a regular person, but anyways, um, no, so I went through just like a little history. I was married. I have the father of my two children through that marriage. Um, but we divorced pretty soon after we had kids. So then I went through a phase where I was kind of raising my kids for a couple of years and then I dated somebody else for nine years. And so that relationship has been over for probably like—
Sarah (25:14):
Right when we started.
Lisa (25:16):
Yes.
Sarah (25:16):
It was crazy because we've talked about this in our business episode, he actually helped give us a lot of that early support for getting this going. And then, um, then the relationship ended kind of soon after that.
Lisa (25:27):
So there was a transition for me that I've always been that kind of person where if I've been in a relationship it's been, because I want the relationship. I was never one to jump from person to person for the sake of being in a relationship. But then after I kind of like moved on from this past relationship, I was ready to kind of date again after I, I don't know. It took me some time, maybe like a year, a year and a half.
Sarah (25:49):
Yeah. I think you were really busy, right?
Lisa (25:51):
Yeah.
Sarah (25:51):
We're not in a super position to probably focus on it. It's not even good. Right? A little distracted. This was a little distraction, maybe.
Lisa (25:59):
Maybe. Well, I think in general, the weird thing about dating now is it's not like it was when I was even 30. When I had started dating this previous boyfriend that you would meet people when you're out and about. And so working in a school district, surrounded by women was never a thing. Working here in an office with you is not good for my love life.
Sarah (26:17):
Nope.
Lisa (26:18):
So I did try the online thing and it's just miserable because I think you, the way that it works in a, in like a nutshell is that you see a picture of somebody and determine right away whether I want to date that person or not.
Sarah (26:32):
Just based on this kind of picture. I didn't even go into the bio. There's no bio just to make sure.
Lisa (26:33):
Which is so weird because, sometimes, sometimes there's a bio, but you know, you do this quick, like snap judgment and people do it back to you.
Sarah (26:42):
And I think it's the whole swipe left, swipe right?
Lisa (26:44):
It depends on the app.
Sarah (26:46):
You're moving at one direction. If you like them, you're moving at the other way if you do not.
Lisa (26:49):
And so two people connect, then you open up a chat and you talk. So even that I've had some really bizarre experiences.
Sarah (26:56):
Do share.
Lisa (26:58):
Really? Like you'll have the guy that's like, "Hey, how's it going?" "Great. How are you doing?" "Awesome. Can I give you a shower?"
Sarah (27:06):
What!
Lisa (27:07):
I swear to god.
Sarah (27:07):
This is the first communication?
Lisa (27:08):
Yeah. Occasionally like three, three messages in like we text in, they'll ask to shower you, or you have like, you know, I have a friend that did a lot of online dating and she met this one guy for her first date and he made her his screensaver after one date. So you get like this just whole continuum of guys that are just there to hook up, guys that I don't know if they want to marry you after one date, it's very odd, or guys that, you know, do the ghosting or whatever. But my main thing—I've had some weird things happen. That is, this is probably a whole other podcast, but for me, it's just mostly been just no connection. There is just lack of connection it, because I think that is the thing. When you think of just when you are interested in somebody, when you actually get to talk to them, you find out if you have a connection with them. So online dating? You can't figure that out. Even if you do have told me because there's just, I dated some really ugly people. I dated really good looking people and it wasn't the look so much. It was just that weird, like chemistry you get with somebody. So that's eliminated. So I got to the point with this online dating, where I felt like I'm spending my time getting dressed up, doing my hair, putting makeup on, meeting somebody out. You know, we live in a large city. So sometimes people lived on the other side of town. So you'd meet somewhere in the middle, but that's like a 25, 30 minute drive to get in the middle of the city. And I just got tired of it. So I am currently on a hiatus.
Sarah (28:31):
No apps.
Lisa (28:31):
I could care less about dating. I just feel like I do want to put my energy more into my family, our company.
Sarah (28:38):
Right.
Lisa (28:39):
If I meet the right person, however, that will happen. But you know what I mean? If somebody comes across my path, I'm not adverse to dating. I just am tired of meeting people for the first time that I have seen a picture of.
Sarah (28:51):
Here's what I'd like to know is I've lived in this city, my entire life. I know a lot of people it's actually kind of frightening how many people I know for such a large area. Um, I can't think, I don't know any single men. So where are they?
Lisa (29:04):
That's when I had started like opening up my mind up in my heart, up to dating again, that was one of the things I kind of, I knew a lot of women. So you know, that I worked with through the school district, but I, you know, everyone was like, "Yep. I don't know anyone." Because I'm like hook a sister up. If you know anyone, I can't believe no one knows.
Sarah (29:21):
One of you listening at home too, do you know someone?
Lisa (29:23):
In Phoenix?
Sarah (29:24):
Well, or somebody willing to relocate.
Lisa (29:28):
After seeing my picture. I'll be a screensaver.
Sarah (29:32):
Cause that's the thing is I do think what I couldn't understand about the app situation is I think the best relationships are those that come organically. So I don't even, I, and I'm, I know I'm wrong here. I know lots of people have met in bars and have been married for years and successful. But even that to me is like, I don't know how you go from like meeting at a bar to, like, now you're dating and committed. Um, I think that if you just know somebody and there's no kind of expectation of the relationship and you're just getting to know each other, you know, through various, you know, ways that you'll just—things happen, and…
Lisa (30:07):
Well, to me, the hard thing about the apps was I couldn't get excited about a first date. Like when you just meet somebody, even if it's in a bar, it's just, again, it's that kind of snapshot of "Is there anything there that you want to explore?"
Sarah (30:17):
Having a preview.
Lisa (30:18):
So then if you have a first date, even. Your first dates are always kind of like hard anyways, but at least, you know, like, "Hey, there is something there that I want to explore?" versus these apps. I'm like, I don't know anything about this person.
Sarah (30:32):
And the pictures are, they are deceiving, the pictures.
Lisa (30:35):
I have only had a couple of guys where I'm like, clearly you posted a picture of when you were like 30 and you're 50 now, or there are a couple of people where you can tell that they'll post, this range of pictures, I was always really upfront with the pictures that I posted. I put dates on them because I'm like, there's nothing worse than I don't want somebody to show up and thinking they're getting my 30 year old self or even me from, you know, we've talked about our weight gain and whatever. Over the past year I gained a lot of weight as far for my body. And so my pictures from a year and a half ago, don't look, don't reflect the person I am now. So I just, I don't want surprises. You see me, if you think I'm cute, if you want to meet up, cool.
Sarah (31:13):
Yeah. But, um, not everybody does that.
Lisa (31:15):
Not everybody does that. And actually I had gotten feedback from guys I would meet that, they're like, "Oh wow. You really look like your pictures." And I'm like, is that weird? Like, I think you probably should look like your pictures.
Sarah (31:25):
Yeah. Well, here's the deal. There's no doubt about it's going to happen when it happens.
Lisa (31:29):
Yeah. I'm not worried about it, but it's kind of like the weight thing too. I've kind of gotten to this place right now. Maybe it is because we're so crazy busy all the time. And I do have that sense, you know, going back to family, my oldest daughter's a senior this year and I'm starting to have some panic about that, that she's moving out and going to college. So I'm enjoying life in this moment right now. If love comes my way, cool.
Sarah (31:49):
Balance, you have to have balance.
Lisa (31:51):
Hashtag [inaudible].
Sarah (31:54):
What you did in here, it's just whispered the name of somebody she's had her eye on.
Lisa (31:58):
Just a little mini crush, but that's okay.
Sarah (32:01):
Um, I think you are in a really good plaet. And that's when things happen, like they're supposed to happen and it's, it's all good. Yeah. I, um, have a little bit of the opposite problem because I married my high school sweetheart,
Lisa (32:13):
But he's the best.
Sarah (32:15):
And I had several friends marry high school sweethearts. Out of all of them, I'm the only one still married to them. I don't think that oftentimes works out.
Lisa (32:22):
I think it goes one of two ways. Either you grow together, you grow up. You guys clearly grew together.
Sarah (32:27):
We grew up together and everything is great. And he's awesome. Um, trying to balance and give him the attention he needs and deserves, um, is something I struggle with on a daily basis. He's one of those guys. He just wants me nearby. Like he wouldn't even care if, you know, like as long if he's watching something and I'm working, he's fine. Um, he doesn't love the long hours away from home, you know? And so that's something that I've had to really try and make sure that I'm again, present and home.
Lisa (32:58):
Well, and you have a different dynamic. I think about the sacrifices I've had to make in terms of being a parent and then asking my parents to fill in as a single parent.
Sarah (33:06):
Right.
Lisa (33:06):
That's been my world. But your reality too is you have a marriage that you need to make sure that that gets the attention that it needs.
Sarah (33:12):
Yeah. Cause he's really stepped it up. But we told you that we had talked to our families before we started this and said, you all have to be on board. And clearly he had to be the biggest one on board. Um, he not only had to support me financially, but he also had to be willing to drive the kids to everything and be home with the kids all the time and clean the house and cook. You know, if food was getting on the table, it didn't come from me.
Lisa (33:34):
It came from Filibertos.
Sarah (33:37):
Usually it came from a drive-thru. But he was the one doing the driving. So anyway, thank goodness. He was super supportive. And um, I always say like, tell him, it's going to be worth it. Like I promise it's going to be worth it. So hopefully he thinks so.
Lisa (33:53):
Yeah.
Sarah (33:53):
But yeah, having some balance there, I, I think, I think when you named those three things to have balance, I think I'm doing okay with love. And what was that?
Lisa (34:02):
Work?
Sarah (34:03):
Love and work? I think I kill. So health is the one we're still going to have to just focus on and find some time. We have a gym down the street we could actually walk to. So we thought, you know, why don't we start our day that way? Why don't we just come show up in the morning, straight to the gym, and then start our day with working with. Gotta find some ways to incorporate that. We have more healthy food in the office.
Lisa (34:25):
My ass has become one with my chair, though. That's what we did when I was working in where I am had transitioned from a school full-time to being the lead where I was in like a, a district building. I still would meet up with a coworker and we'd walk laps around the top floor when we needed a break and I moved. Like there, it was a three-story building. So I would go up and down steps. I feel like I am like, not moving.
Sarah (34:47):
We don't move enough. I stopped wearing my Apple watch because I was so sick of it telling me to stand up and showing me that I've taken 3000 steps.
Lisa (34:56):
And it goes somewhere like our trip to New York or even this last trip I took to Denver, I was walking like eight, nine, ten miles a day. Easy. So it's, I actually prefer that and like that, but I think we are in a situation at work where I literally feel like I blink and it goes from nine to two where I'm like, "Wait, where did those five hours just go? I don't understand." So that's where, and I don't take those breaks. I don't have anyone interrupting us like you do when you're in a big office building where you have people that come seek you out and then you have to do things that are related to other maybe departments or whatever. And we—it's literally you and me and Penny.
Sarah (35:33):
We should probably just at least get balls to sit on.
Lisa (35:36):
Um, what? Come again? I don't want that. I identify as female. And I'm staying that way.
Sarah (35:43):
Yes. Um, we should get those decisions. I have heard that I've got my skates now. I should probably skate, you know, more than 10 minutes around the office.
Lisa (35:53):
I could get it's some skates though, too. And we could play tag.
Sarah (35:56):
Yeah, let's do something. We got to move.
Lisa (35:57):
We play roller derby and we punch each other.
Sarah (36:01):
That is actually is a great way to take care of that when we don't—
Lisa (36:03):
No, I'm scared of you.
Sarah (36:03):
You should be, I'm very mean, Oh, this has been so good. Just even talking about not having balance makes me think of things that I need to change and work on.
Lisa (36:14):
I am a little stressed that we've talked a long time and I have a lot of work to do. So #balancefail.
Sarah (36:20):
That's what's so funny is, um, we've had this conversation a lot about, we've got a lot of balls in the air. I just, I don't what's my, I don't know. Um, so we've got a lot of things going on. And so actually that could have been a whole podcast is the balance that we have here in our jobs. I mean, because we are, we've got a blog and we've got the podcasts we present, we're doing this app thing. As I'm listing this off, I know how annoying it sounds that we're doing all these things. We actually just started a new project. Which, what were we thinking there?
Lisa (36:49):
Well, and I decided to teach college courses.
Sarah (36:54):
Now you're teaching two courses, we're supervising CS. We had no balance. So we literally just did a full circle of even in work, we don't have any balance.
Lisa (37:03):
Like we're those plate spinners and that you just have to like keep spinning one and just hope that nothing crashes.
Sarah (37:08):
Yeah. It's true. I loved when you talked about your orientation for this new job you're doing with the teaching at this school, um, where, um, you were like, "Oh my gosh, we got to go through these introductions. And I'm like almost embarrassed to like talk about all the things I have going on right now. Cause I know how annoying it is when you're like, 'I'm so busy'."
Lisa (37:24):
Well, no, I think I was feeling like that. I was just feeling like I'm so busy and it hit me in this orientation of like, why did I say yes to this? And we were kind of laughing about that, that Amy, the person who offered the job was like, "Oh, I know the time of year to ask people to come on board with this is when you're not, when you're not crazy busy." And so I'm like thinking "I'm so busy." And then with the introductions, everybody's busy. Like one of the professors here, he's a full-time professor at NAU. He's involved in our state, um, uh, speech association. He's the executive director of SPED at a, in a district in Arizona. And I'm like, okay, that's busy. Let's go to the next person. Well, I'm a mom to four kids, a set of twins that are a year and a half. And I teach full-time at a high school or work full-time in a high school and I do this and blah, blah, blah and you know, yoga and I don't even know. And I'm like, "Oh, everybody's busy." And it kind of like, it actually made me think of how with some of our conversations we've had, where when people like always try to say like, they're busy is more important than somebody else's busy. And it kind of put that framework in where it's like, no, everybody's busy. Don't complain. Do this, do it well.
Sarah (38:33):
Figure it out. What's interesting about the busy cause everybody does think they're busier than everyone else. I have been a stay-at-home mom and never felt busier in my life. So busy is a relative term that just it, you know, it, nobody else can ever understand or appreciate. I think when we start listing off these things we're working on and why I said, I think it sounds annoying is because it is annoying. I think when people have like all these things going on and, and talk about them and um, and so that's why I was like, sorry for that. But, um, what I was going to say is that doesn't mean we're killing it. Look at all this stuff we're taking on, or opposite. You're freaking crazy. How can you manage it all? It's all relative, you know? And so, you know, that's where the balance I think is, is super important is we can't take on more than we can actually deal with. Um, it, it evolves, it changes.
Lisa (39:24):
You don't need to take on more than you can deal with to understand that feeling. I've even done that with, um, in my career where, when I was working full-time as an SLP, I picked up some after-school kids. And then I was also, you know, a full-time parent. I had my kids full time and they were at that age where they were constantly in activities. And I didn't realize until that moment, I'm like, I really can't do all of this. Something has to give, what is it?
Sarah (39:46):
Yeah.
Lisa (39:47):
Sometimes I think that's where you have to identify if you're feeling constantly like your world is spinning. Like, and I think everybody at the beginning of the school year gets those ballerina sort of spins.
Sarah (39:57):
And the end of the year.
Lisa (40:00):
Yeah. That is your consistent, nonstop feeling. Then you'd really do have to kind of pause and think about why that is. What can you change, if anything? What are some systems you can put into place? Or can you let something go? Like my kids.
Sarah (40:13):
Well, here's what I find fascinating. We're just gonna let them know they're on their own. We talked about that. Um, I think it's fascinating how many hours there must be in a day because with everything we have going on, I watch an insane amount of television. I love to read books. I am on my phone more than any human should ever be on their phone. So that all beings, I like, you can do what you need to do. Like, and that's very personal, but I've talked to people about like, I literally watched so much television that we could have a conversation about any given show and I've probably watched the entire season. And so I'll be talking to somebody will be like, where the hell do you have time to do that?
Lisa (40:51):
I don't know. I always feel like late at night. But I sleep.
Sarah (40:55):
I don't know. I don't know, but I find the time. So it is, it's very interesting what we choose to do with our day and how, when we try to think about other people and what they're doing, you know, it doesn't really make sense for, for us. And it's because it's just very personal. And so that's why we're not getting advice on how to balance it all you guys, because we're not doing it. We're just doing the best we can.
Lisa (41:18):
Yeah. And that, that is the moral of the story.
Sarah (41:19):
Yeah.
Lisa (41:19):
Do what you can do if there's stuff that you feel like you need to let go to be better balanced than yeah. Work it out.
Sarah (41:27):
We've got some fun episodes coming up. I was thinking, as I was just talking about television, can we do an entire podcast about Bravo?
Lisa (41:33):
Oh, I could talk about Bravo forever.
Sarah (41:35):
Okay. Let's do that. I mean, we might lose some listeners there. I know not everybody's as Bravo-obsessed as we are, but we're going to do it, but we can have Texas Speech Mom. She loves Bravo as equally as we do. Okay. All right. So anyway, thanks for hanging out with us today, you guys. We hope your school year is starting off well and that you guys just kill it this year. And as always let us know if you have any questions.
Lisa (41:56):
Yeah. And if you have a moment to rate and review our podcast, that helps people find us. So, um, only do that if it's like five stars.
Sarah (42:04):
if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Lisa (42:05):
You can email those to us. Just kidding. We love honest feedback. We take it all, but, and then if you ever have any, um, recommendations for future episodes, you can email those to us at podcast at SLP Toolkit,
Sarah (42:19):
That's one of our friends at SLP Happy Hour. They had some great recommendations for us. One of them, you guys, this, we have to do this. One of them was released and I had to go to a psychic and record it.
Lisa (42:28):
We should do that in Sedona.
Sarah (42:29):
Okay. Okay.
Lisa (42:31):
That's another one.
Sarah (42:31):
We'll do that episode. Alright. Anyway, that's it for today you guys, bye.